As my Sailor-Moon-and-all-anime-things-related craze began to wane off, I quickly fell into a new obsession. I can’t remember when I first stumbled across one, but one day when I was in the 9th grade I found my first love: Ballet dancers.

Ballet dancers are so etheral, almost like they’re not entirely human. The professionals always seem to have such long, graceful arms and legs, porcelain skin, and a look of mixed contentment and wistfulness as they dance. To be able to catch a moment of such reverie in someone else is the heart of what I love to as an artist.

Of course, I’m not the first artist to be completely fascinated by dancers:

Edgar Degas (pronounced Doo-gah) seemed to consider dancers his muse, as some of his most well known and beloved paintings and drawing were of the ballet.

Although, I didn’t discover Degas until later.

I found my muse mia a Discount Dance Supply catalog. The models are actual dancers from different dance programs throughout the country, and 9 times out of 10 when they’re modeling a leotard, tutu, dance skirt, leg warmers, or any other article of clothing dance-related, they’re usually striking very interesting poses. What I gleaned from the catalogs is a lot of experience drawing the human form.

With pictures like this

Not only is it visually appealing, but it’s sort of a crash course in figure drawing, sans creepy nude guys. Drawing people like this are great because you learn some of the “laws” of the human physique- what muscles contract when others expand; how certain places arch when other places in the body extend; basic anatomy in general.

Yet one more inspiration that has lead into my full-on obsession with drawing people.

I’m in the process of reading a book called The Shack by William P Young. It seems that people either love or hate this book, but it has answered a lot of questions for me and opened a few doors that have been closed for the past almost 4 years.

One thought that really intrigued me that is presented in the book is this: Who are we to judge who is good and who is evil? As humans, our perception of “good” is whoever is in the same mindframe as us, and whoever is “evil” is the person that is working against what we consider “good”. So, considering how flawed our human perception is, is there anyone on Earth who can decide who is genuinely “good” and who is genuinely “bad”? It certainly changes your perceptions of how you perceive people, especially when you perceive them based on their circumstances, what they do for a living, how they look/smell/whatever.

Earlier today, I had two women come in for help with Christmas for their children. They were both dressed cute (albeit not my taste- one woman sort of reminded me of a more generously-clothed Lil’ Kim), friendly, upbeat, and well spoken. I was more than happy to help them. On the flipside, I know I’m more than guilty of being hesitant to help people coming in who aren’t educated, dirty, with a bad attitude. Is that right? No. It has a lot to do with the compassion fatigue I’m trying to deal with right now. But I also know that I’m going to be treated better by the people who come in upbeat and talkative over the ones who come in growling and throwing orders at me.

What does it matter how I feel about how I’m treated? Does how they treat me effect how bad they are in need? Especially since I sort of have my hand on the pulse of those whose hand is on the pursestrings of our assistance ministries.

Then, once I started thinking about this, I was reminded about one of my favorite quotes by Mahatma Ghandi- “Be the change you wish in the world”.

So? What do I wish would change in the world? Or atleast in my little corner of the universe where I live/work?

I wish people would be less patient;

so I guess I need to be more patient…

I wish people weren’t as mean;

so I guess I need to be kinder, even when patience is low

I wish women were more genuine with each other and didn’t try so hard to outdo each other/put each other down/drown each other out;

so I guess I need to be genuine, and give each woman in my life the opportunity to shine as herself and not put unrealistic expectations or demands on her, or pride myself as being more successful than her because our stories are different.

I wish men realized the relationship opportunities with their families that they’re missing for the sake of money, success, and chauvatism;

So, I guess I need to uplift and appreciate the man in my life, who is undaunted by money, success, and masculinity and excels in his relationship with his family. The same man who chose love over money and got shot in the foot for it (not by me!)…

I wish children were allowed to just be children;

When I have children in my life, hopefully I will not pressure them to be perfect at everything- just encourage them to enjoy the most wonderful time in their life so hopefully they will have a childhood as blessed as mine.

I wish people didn’t relate to other people differently based on the color of their skin, where they’re from, what they believe, or who they are. Even if that other person’s own biases changes their attitude towards you;

Ouch. That one hurt me. I guess I need to stop doing that…

I wish people would start regarding others in the world as a soul with a story, rather than just another head in the headcount or someone who is inherently good or bad.

I have a problem with this too. I need to treat each person that walks into my life as if they are their own story, and to sum someone up with one word- good or bad, isn’t fair to anyone and too simple of an umbrella term for the complexities of life. Only God can judge the good from the wicked.

Reading this helps me realize that I could use a lot more love, mercy, and grace in my life. Maybe it would make my life easier if I let the things go that cause me to bristle up against those who I consider “bad”, unworthy of assistance, or anything else listed up there. I encourage everyone to go through this process of considering what you wish were different, and how you can emulate that in yourself.

I’m still sort of learning the ropes of the adult world along with the rest of my generation. I homeschooled as a child and have always been naturally repelled by girl politics, so I had mostly guy friends and kept my girl friends at a distance. In college, I was in a male-dominated program, so much didn’t change. I did, however, decide I need some girls in my life and joined a sorority. Bad move. Long story short, I went from living on the outskirts of girldom to being thrown in face first, and it did a number on my self esteem, self worth, self everything. I did more crying in the 3 months that I was a sister of said sorority than in my whole entire life put together- including when we lost my dad.

I moved home from college beat up and abused, and entered the work world while taking classes part time. Since then, slowly but surely I’ve learned the ’secret’ language of being a woman here in the south.

The one thing that fascinates me the most is the fact that women here in the south pride themselves on their southern hospitality and charm, whether they realize it or not. We’re raised from little girls to be pretty and sweet, to speak only when spoken to, and to be all around ladies. A lot of women are truly this way! I know many women who are genuinely sweet as pie, always looking put together, always with their ducks in a row.

This post isn’t about their kind, delicate little souls. God bless them, because there aren’t many of them around anymore.

This post is about those women who have a pretty facade of a delicate southern lady complete with acrylics out to there and perfectly coiffed, perfectly high- and low-lighted hair, but on the inside there is an angry cat backed into the corner ready to strike at the next person who so much as looks in their general direction. They’re the ones who can smile their big bright smiles and bat their eyes and look soooo sweeeeet ten minutes after reaming the kid behind the counter at starbucks for not using skim milk on her caramel macchiato and taking the time out of her temper tantrum to twirl around 180 to give the stink eye to a young mother whose child is in the throes of a just-because-I’m-2 temper tantrum.

It seems like more and more women are this way. I think its wonderful that women are finding their voices and starting to stand up for themselves directly instead of sinking into that passive aggressive form of retaliation that never makes anyone feel better. I myself am one of those women who feels like dealing with something calmly and assertively as it happens is 100 times easier and more honest than smiling to someone’s face before turning around to put a few drops of arsenic in their diet coke. Even if it means a moment’s discomfort from the unpleasant task of confronting an unsatisfactory situation.

However, the thing that bothers me is that women are beginning to go too far with it. Women have begun priding themselves on their “ability to stand up for themselves”, “not being afraid to say what they think”, being an “open book”, or “not taking anything off of anyone, just ask”. All of those things in their truest forms are great! Don’t get me wrong. You have to be honest with your thoughts and actions and standing up for yourself is at times a neccesity. But all of those phrases have pretty much become common language to mean “don’t cross me, I’m a big bad bitch”- even when they normally can’t take a dose of their own medicine and someone else puts them in their place.

How many times have we been sitting somewhere in public and overheard something along these lines?

“Can you believe she did that? So I turned around and I told her that if she didn’t change her attitude I would give her a reason to!”

“I told her exactly what I was thinking! I’m not scared to say what’s on my mind!”

“I’m an open book. You can look at me and tell exactly what I’m thinking… and what I’m going to do about it!”

Normally when people say crap like that, there’s usually a finger flailing around and a head bobbing a la that tranny-looking woman from I Love New York on VH1 for emphasis.

My thing is, why on earth do you have to be so rude to get a point across?

What is it about being female that gives women the desire to be seen as a no-nonsense, no-crap-taken queen bitch?

The thing that got my wheels turning about this happened Saturday night. The hubs and I are still getting our ducks in a row, so we haven’t gotten cable yet. DH is a HUGE bama fan, so we decided to make an evening out of it and go to the local hot dog joint for a hot dog, ice cream cone, and the game. We were standing in line at the ice cream counter when we heard this group of kids coming long before we saw them. They were all probably around 16-17, and it was a fair mix of guys and girls. They were all sort of laughing and talking, but they all seemed to orbit around this one girl, who seemed to absolutely radiate female aggression. No matter how deep the conversation was going among her friends, as soon as she started talking they would all stop and listen, they went wherever she went and did whatever she wanted. Typical Regina George of Mean Girls fame. We could hear their conversation before they opened the door of the restaurant a good 100 feet away, and it was about someone who had wronged Mz Queen Bitch. All you could hear was QB saying:

“can you believe her??!?!?!?! I got so mad so I told her…”

 ”Yes I did! I said it straight to her face! She cried!!!”

“She’s not messing with us again, that’s for sure”.

Naturally, her minions were mesmerized by her bleached blonde glory. Dh and I were mesmerized too… We just couldn’t believe that someone could be such an absolute monster. So they walk up behind us in line, we order, and before we can even grab spoons she has pushed us out of the way so she can order. Somehow she had managed to squeeze herself in between me and dh, with all of her minions sort of standing behind us. I turned around to get past her and get back to our table, but to do that because of the line and tables I was going to have to walk in front of her. I didn’t so much as take one step infront of her and I stood there patiently waiting for her to move when she turned, gave me the stink eye, growled an “excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me” and tossed her hair in my face.

I didn’t even go there. A little part of me wanted me to remind her that daddy might have a lot of money to buy her all of the beautiful clothes and expensive haircuts she could ever want, but money doesn’t buy class (another blog for another day), but I didn’t say anything at all. Why? Because girls like that seem to thrive on the attention. I think she wanted to piss someone off so she could impress her friends with her super cool Queen Bitch powers. I just looked straight ahead with my chin up and sat down at the table. I don’t really know what she looks like in the face, because I knew that looking her in the face would have caused a confrontation (“you got a problem?!”).

Well, female aggression is one of those things that is not going to be solved overnight, especially via some random obscure person’s blog. I just wish people would remember the old addage- ‘you attract more bees with honey than vinegar’.

Sure, it might be easier to scream and yell and snap people’s heads off when they wrong you. Or, you can try to take the upper road, show some freaking class,  and refrain from sinking to their level. It’s not as easy, but at the end of the day they’re the ones boiling inside from whatever is causing all of their anger and you have the peace of mind from knowing that you did the best you could given the circumstances. Also, you’ll retain the respect (not to be confused with fear) of your friends, and it will help your reputation instead of hurting it by being known as the “queen bitch”.

I work in a religious setting as a receptionist. We get calls everyday- so and so is in the hospital, so and so just had a baby, do you have youth league sports, etc etc etc… But the majority of calls we get every day are calling about our utility assistance program.

Where I work (and live) is sort of a socio-economic oasis amidst a dried up dessert. Our little corner of the universe is one of the richest areas in the state, but if you get on one of the many highways that run through our town and drive in any direction long enough (as short of time as 10-15 minutes in some directions), and you can stumble upon some of the poorest.

Naturally this is a concern of ours, so our financial assistance ministries are some of the most active in our entire church… Which means we get a few hundred calls about utility/rent/grocery/gas assistance a week. On top of our usual numbers, unless you live under a rock you know what the country’s economic state has been in the past few months. If you take a wealthy community who have mostly made their money in the stock exchange and banking and compound it with the current crisis going on in Wall Street, and you have a whole new crop of people who need assistance.

I am NOT complaining about this, and I’m very concerned!

What I am trying to do, however, is give you an idea of what is going on before I tell you what *is* grinding my gears today.

To make a 6-year-long story short, there is a guy that has been calling our office for a long time. He doesn’t work, he just sits on his behind day and night and makes babies who he can’t afford to feed. He’s not on disability, he’s able-bodied and -minded (I think- ha), he just doesn’t want to work. The best part is, he wants us to support him.

Among the list of things he has asked for assistance on, he has asked for:

1) cash to go down to my state’s big SEC team’s college town during the weekend of the biggest game of the season (oooold seated rivalry game) so he can “work”

2) a car

3) a trailer

4) uniforms for his 12 kids and 4 grandkids for school

5) food

6) tools so he can work

and Lord knows how much else. We’ve helped him more than once on every point but the first one, and now he is on our do-not-help list. Since then, he has changed his phone number 4 times, disguised his voice to sound like a white guy (I honestly thought it was Dave Chapelle doing his whole white anchor man shtick), a red neck, and a slightly-less-ghetto version of himself to “trick” us into giving him assistance.

I always know it’s him when he calls -even when he’s at his girlfriend’s house and his name doesn’t appear on the caller ID- he always asks for my boss, as if it’s going to make a difference. When I came to work here, the first thing my boss told me was “when ______ calls, put it straight to voicemail. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Well as soon as he calls the first time, you will definately understand!”

Lord knows I did.

Well, almost a year and a half later, he has begun treating me like he treats the rest of the staff on the phone. He has chewed me out, called me every name in the book, accused me of being a racist (I was one of the only white kids on my block growing up, thankyouverymuch), accused me of being heartless, you name it.

Today was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

This afternoon he called asking for my boss. Very politely I said “Oh, hey ______! [my boss] isn’t in right now, but I can send you to his voicemail!” Just like that. Literally. Just like I speak to everyone else. When he responded, he spewed forth such a venom that I have never seen in all of my years working Black Friday in retail, customer service, and waiting tables. Never in my life have I been spoken to that way by a virtual stranger. He told me that I am rude and disrespectful and he just might be calling my boss to ‘talk’ and that every time he calls isn’t “just for help”. He then told me that basically I was prejudiced against him because he is “on the other end of the economic spectrum” from me (uhhh. no.), and that he is 40 (with 12 kids and 4 grandkids!!) and I should respect my elders.

Umm. Ok? Where did I go wrong? Never once did I make a comment about his economic state or his age. I never even took a tone with him… Until the very end when he started making assumptions about my age and economic status.

The worst part is, I told my office manager about it and that it was probably about the 100th time he’s treated me that way, and all he did was shrug his shoulders. If I’m being harrassed here at work, isn’t there something he should/could/would do? Why is he sitting back on his haunches when nothing I say or do will get this monkey off my back?

Utility assistance is one of my favorite parts of my job. Community outreach has always been a huge deal to me from childhood until now, but some of the people that come in (like the offending caller) have really started to chip away at my compassion. It is so hard for me to feel compassionate and loving towards these people when they’re talking down to me, lying to me about who they are or what they need, or abusing the system.

It’s a constant effort for me to be kind and warm to the people who seem to be biting the hands that feed them at every turn.

This family needs your support!

http://blog.cjanerun.com/

I wish I could take a peek in his sketchbooks =( I bet they are AMAZING!

http://www.moleskinerie.com/2008/10/picasso-sketchb.html

These are some of the blogs I’ve been following recently… I’m not really quite sure how to add a non-WP blog to my blogroll, but if I could I would definately add these!

www.skineart.com

http://moleskinex12.blogspot.com/ –> Moley exchanges! Once I get rid of all of this rustiness, I just might have to participate in one of these. This one in particular has kept me EXTREMELY fascinated!

http://suzannebuchanan.blogspot.com/

Honorable mention: http://www.urbansketchers.com/

They haven’t actually begun blogging yet, but what an amazing concept! I’m excited already

Check out my first entry at skine.art!

http://www.skineart.com/art/here-in-birmingham-al-this-witless-gen/

I’m nowhere NEAR as talented as the other artists featured on skine.art, so for them to even accept my drawing was an enormous deal to me!

JP and Madonna

 Joe Plumber and Madge. Madonna’s page obviously hasn’t been completed yet (I’m planning on adding something to the blank spot at the bottom), but my moley is sort of progressive so I’m going to try to post updates as I go along. They are both ink and colored pencil. Click to enlarge!

I’ve been writing my thoughts about my subjects next to their drawing… If you can’t read the captions, Joe’s says “stupid is as stupid does”, and Madonna’s says “Sorry, Madge: No amount of plastic surgery is going to make you look any less like the crypt keeper!”

I am exhausted. I worked until 9:30 last night and I can barely keep my eyes open as I sit here at my desk at work. It’s pouring rain outside, the sun is nowhere to be found, and my husband is still snuggled up all warm and cozy under the covers. It’s making me a little bitter.

As I sat and looked at my two moleskine entries over the past few days, one thing I’ve come to realize is how rusty I am. Sure, I teach art lessons and I paint occasionally, but what happened to the joie de vivre I had when I was younger, when all I wanted to do was sit and draw? I would literally draw for hours and hours at a time without stopping or taking a breath of fresh air.

I distinctly remember when my first renaissance occured in the 7th grade. I loved to draw and color throughout my whole life, but I feel like I literally woke up one day with a fire in my heart and electricity in my hands to create something meaningful. I remember chalking it up to puberty at first, thinking that maybe it had something to do with my crazy hormones, until I saw a TV show on the air one day.

It’s silly, it’s random, and I absolutely refused to admit it to anyone until recently… But Sailor Moon triggered my creative rebirth. I sat through about 3 episodes before I started drawing what I saw, but cartoons have never really done it for me… After I hit the internet to research Sailor Moon a little more, I discovered something that completely inspired my little junior higher’s heart… Sailor Moon manga.

If you’re unfamiliar (or live under a rock), manga is sort of an umbrella term for japanese comic books. They usually have a very deep, well developed story line and there is usually some form of mythology and/or magic involved. Why did Sailor Moon manga appeal to me so much?

Primarily, because the artist used very simple lines, minimal coloring, and hardly any value and still managed to produce goregous work. It makes me wonder about my heavy handedness!

Be sure to click on this one so you can see it full-sized. The artist seemed to have this innate ability to evoke the desired mood with her pictures without overworking the color. She seemed to do a lot of simple color washes, very little value, and pretty simple lines and her manga has always been breathtaking to me.

The biggest thing to me that has affected my art until even today is the eyes. Their eyes are so expressive! Soft and wistful, clear and bright. 10 years later, eyes are still my primary focal point when I draw my favorite subject- people.

Google-searching Sailor Moon like I did today has brought back a lot of my first memories as a committed artist, and no doubt it will probably affect my work during the rest of the week.

Needless to say, I’ve moved on from cartoons and manga, but you never forget your first love!